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Name: Hillary
Country: United States
State: Ohio
Metro: Cleveland
Birthday: 7/2/1991
Gender: Female
Interests: Forensics (Prose-Poetry), Running around like a crazy person and laughing hebephrenically.
Occupation: Student
Industry: Other
Message: message me
AIM:  LedZepHunterFaye
Member Since:
7/20/2005
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| It has been over 4 months since I have last written to you guys.
To start, three of those months were the most beautiful, most ecstatic, most comfortable months of my life.
One was the loneliest.
To fill you in where I left off, West Side Story went amazingly well. Tech week was great...Max was an uber-sweetheart throughout...backstage hugs and forehead kisses were much loved and coveted. I was very satisfied with the turn-outs and the performances, and I now miss that cast and that show very, very much.
Opening night was one of the most memorable nights I've had. That night, after the show, right before the cast party, after over half a month of dancing around the idea, Max finally asked me to be his girlfriend. I was in the purest state of bliss! That boy, my best friend, one of the people I knew I could tell anything to, someone who I truly, truly was passionate about had held my hand and said something I had wanted to hear...and I gave him what I felt, which was just what he wanted to hear. A week later, he was one of my best supporters in a really big family issue.
I didn't tell my parents right off the bat; after a couple of weeks, my mom asked if he and I were dating, and I said that we were. When she asked why, I don't remember what I said, but I think it had something to do with I was scared that they were going to blur the line between best friend and boyfriend and he's automatically be the boyfriend and not the best friend anymore. He ended up telling his mom on our one month anniversary, haha. She was all excited; I went to dinner with him, his mom and stepdad, and a good friend of ours that night. His mother is one of the nicest ladies I've ever met =]] I like her a lot. She's funny too! A couple weeks later, I met his father and stepmother, sister and her husband, and I pretty much decided I looooved his family.
He and I went to prom together, which was beautiful to say the least...I remember our first slow dance (Aerosmith's "Don't Wanna Miss a Thing")...and our last, which was the last song of the night, "Wonderful Tonight" by Eric Clapton, a favorite love song of mine. We also got Rickroll'd at prom, which was freakin' HILARIOUS! My friends had been requesting it throughout the night, and in the middle of the dance, the DJ went "Okay, now to play the most requested song of the night..." I was sitting down at my table, taking a quick break with Max, sipping some water, but as soon as I heard that "ba-doom, ba-doom, badadada" of "Never Gonna Give You Up" I jumped up and shrieked, and started running to the dance floor...but the DJ was like "JUST KIDDING!" (insert huge groan from some people here) and started playing "Soulja Boy." Still fun, but not Rick Astley...until the end of the night. The DJ played it after the lights came up, hahaha. My friends and I were still out on the dance floor, singin' along and dancin' to it, haha. That whole night, I had wanted to drop that three-word, eight-letter phrase that gets thrown around so easily, but I didn't. I knew it wasn't right yet. We went to an after-party at our friend Andrew's house, spend most of the night/morning outside, 'til about 3am. I had to go inside and get as ready as I could because I had an Academic Challenge state qualifying tournament in a couple of hours...the team was leaving at 5am! haha. Needless to say, that tournament was quite eventful. One of our members wore his prom tux (all of us had attended prom) and all of us were running on roughly 38 hours of no sleep by the end of the tournament...we came out as the Regional Runners-up. Great, huh?
Our 2-month anniversary was really cute. I had been anticipating it for a week or so, wondering if he'd remember or not. That morning, in school, I asked him if he knew what day it was, and he got his adorable smile on his face and said he did...he had remembered =]] That afternoon, when he was driving me home, we had another round of "Happy Anniversaries" and then he told me about how he was going to buy me flowers...but realized that today was the day, hahaha. I still thought the gesture was sweet, nonetheless. A couple weeks later, we had hung out and whatnot, and when he drove me home, we were sitting in the car behind my house, talking about how I was going to Cedar Point the next day with the choir. We were talking about roller coasters, which he happens to not like so much, but I love, and I said, "You know how much I love roller coasters?" He replied, "More than your little brother?" which made us both laugh so hard.
"Nah that'd be mean!.........not as much as you."
And that's when he said it. He was like "Aw, Hill, I love you too!" Now, originally, I didn't intend for this to be the moment, but it ended up being very right and fit well. I told him that I loved him and that every day I was falling more and more for him and I felt so right with him and so safe.
Another month of happiness went by, and there was one thing that was constantly in the corners of our minds when we were driving home...What would happen when he left for college. He was leaving early for summer quarter. I had made it clear to him that I would wait for him when he left because I felt that strongly about us earlier. We had been getting closer and closer each day, and we just beat around that bush whenever it got brought up. I don't think either of us minded much until I told him that we needed to think about it because we had to figure out what was going to happen.
A couple weeks later, we went to see Get Smart (great movie, by the way) with a group of friends. After the movie, a trip with the friendies to Taco Bell, and a quick and unsuccessful get-together at a nearby park, we set out for my house so I could go home. On the way in the car, I asked him if he had thought about "it," "it" being what was going to happen.
Now, this whole time, I was very much valuing his opinion of the situation and his happiness above my own. After all, he was the one leaving and I didn't want to hold him back...I was his first girlfriend. In May, I really thought about it and had decided during a period of time that I hoped he and I would split because I wanted him to have fun with other girls. As June came, I realized I didn't want this to happen; I was mad for him. I didn't want to let go of him at all.
But that night was the last night we had together. We really seemed alright, but we both knew the avoidance that had began wasn't right and he said he really didn't think we should, even though he wanted to. I understood and told him that we were going to do what he felt was right in the situation, because I really didn't have as much of a say. I was the one staying here. But we finally decided it was better off if we split. I cried in front of him, not hard, but I did, and he was so sweet. He hugged me, wiped the tears off of my face...he even had started to cry a little bit, he was saying.
That night, after I exited the car, I cried for so long, and so hard. I didn't want to. Even thinking about it starts to bring a knot to my throat.
He and I had this beautiful relationship...I loved someone for the first time. It wasn't even like he was just my boyfriend, and I think the fact that he was my best friend too made it as so. Max instilled in me so much confidence. He made me feel beautiful when I felt ridiculous. He gave me the confidence to wear short shorts! He would visit me when I wasn't well; he was always there for me. He made me feel very loved and very important.
I miss that dearly.
I will continue this story later, into the sad area that is what the past month has been composed of.
Goodnight friends.
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| So on the forum I belong to with my friends, man law is being discussed.
All because of the whole Me-Max-Nick situation.
I am honestly very upset with my friends.
My personal life does not need to be brought up amongst my friends. So I broke up with my boyfriend and realized that I had liked my best friend the whole time?!
GROW THE FUCK UP. HE'S SORRY. I'M SORRY. WE BOTH FEEL HORRIBLE. HAVING NOT ONLY YOU BUT MY OTHER FRIENDS PULL THESE FUCKING SHENANIGANS ISN'T HELPING.
Basically, I feel like this:
Look, if I had known I liked Max, why would I have dated Nick? I liked Nick - I don't know why. I feel that Nick only liked me because I liked him. Nick and I really aren't meant for each other and I'm pretty damn aware of that. He's much too good for me - too reserved, too nice, too good. He's a great guy, but he's not the one for me. What was I supposed to do? Keep him stringing along forever? No, I'm too nice to do that, as ironic as that sounds.
I didn't leave Nick for Max. I didn't even realized I liked him until we were actually AT Winter Congress. The only reason I slept on Max on the bus is because a) he's one of my best friends, so I thought it wouldn't get weird and b) I didn't want to sleep on Nick because I didn't want him to think I was changing my mind or something. It was the day after, and I didn't want to look like I was playing mind games.
I want to be Nick's friend because I know that he and I really don't have the potential to be anything more.
Move along. I've had to. And the worst part about it is that when it happened to me, I wasn't even dating the person. Being strung along when you're not even with the person is horrible, and then getting your head played with is even worse. I never screwed with his head. I let him go when I knew it wasn't going to work.
I never intended for things to be like this, nor did I ever want any of my friends to get so heavily involved in my personal life.
Basically, learn to move on. I've done it before, and so has most everyone else. IT was a short-lived relationship and it wasn't anything special. Bringing my friends into this the way that it has been done hurts me and makes me feel like a bitch, and I don't appreciate it.
Also - man law really shouldn't apply to this. 2 week rule has already gone and passed, and there is no 6 month rule, seeing to the fact that I am not drop-dead gorgeous.
Whatever.
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| Okay, so from now on, all posts that are not the most recent will be marked PRIVATE. Which means only I can read them.
This is because of the weird, creepy people who leave me "Hi my name is ___ nice life background" comments, especially when I don't know them.
If something's not marked private, please tell me the date of the post.
If I totally messed up setting everything to private, please tell me.
Lovers,
Hill
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